Assassin

Every now and again, people ought to be made to watch a film like this, just to recalibrate their sensitivities when watching other, better, decent films. Everyone's favourite diamond geezer Danny Dye... Every now and again, people ought to be made to watch a film like this, just to recalibrate their sensitivities when watching other, better, decent films. Everyone's favourite diamond geezer Danny Dyer is ruthless motor-cycle hitman "Jamie" who carries out a hit on behalf of the brothers from Spandau Ballet. Snag is, the man he bumps off has a daughter "Chloe" (Holly Weston) for whom he falls. The Kemps need him to top her too, but he fakes that crime and when they find out, are not best pleased - more hits are ordered and even the seagulls might not be safe! It's tosh from start to finish, this - the acting - especially from Gary Kemp as the menacing kingpin in a Prada cardigan - is almost as woeful as the writing, such as that is. The earlier ending (I think there are at least two) needs to be watched - it's actually quite funny and it all led me to swear never to criticise another Jason Statham or Nicolas Cage film again...